apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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