I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
