i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
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She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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