The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
