i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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