I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
