I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
