Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
what day is it and did you see me today?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
