Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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