im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
