I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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