***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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