I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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