A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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