She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
