A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
