i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
There are leaves in my underwear?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
