I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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