So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
