Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
