he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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