"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
