you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
