It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
It's shark week go big or go home
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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