I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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