If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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