So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Threesome in a minivan. New low
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
