i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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