He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
