i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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