We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
