if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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