The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
