It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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