a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
