if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
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I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I fill condoms, not promises.
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You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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