he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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