Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
