Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
