So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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