FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
