so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
