please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
