i barfeds in our rink
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
