do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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