Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
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