my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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