Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
