Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
