well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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