Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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