just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
