Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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