omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
