I want to make a zoo with you.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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