While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
