the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
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my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
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they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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