My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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