just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He's a Shit stain on my heart
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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