Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
