friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
