He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
