my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
