It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
