Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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