He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
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It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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