hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
