so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
