What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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