The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
