Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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