Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
