Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
